LOVE IN MY HEART

I know, I know, it's been weeks and my absence here in the blogsphere was a clear violation of my new year's resolution (to blog at least once a week). Aside from school kasi, I've been very busy teaching dance. Btw, this ain't one of my usual posts na seryoso, matalinhaga and stuff.

If you're a medtech student, you can definitely relate. There's this annual event where MT students gather for uhh pageant, seminar, singing and talent competitions (like a HS intramurals).

What pressured me the most was the fact that me and my team were informed about the dance contest 5 days before the event! I was like WTF?? 4 DAYS TO REHEARSE? MOTHER OF GOD (very 9gag lang).

Fuck! Our Lady of Fatima University (I know a couple of dancers from there) FEU MORAYTA (okay, mamamatay na ko, magaling lang tao don) I visited kasi the website where the list of contestants were shown, siyempre I had to check out the competition. If I'm not mistaken there were at least 15 contenders pero yung fatima and feu ang naretain ng memory ko, prolly because they're the ones na alam kong magaling talaga.

Here are my girls:

day 1

• Every month set aside a shopping budget for yourself after all your financial commitments are subtracted.
• Do an Internet search on all the thrift stores, good wills, and consignment shops in your area.
• Focus on one area you want to build in your wardrobe such as dress pants, casual shirts, summer dresses etc.
• Make a list of what items you plan to get so you will not go over your budget
• Mix and Match name brand items with regular brands (no name brand)
• Try out new items that you may not normally buy and try to create your own style
• Read magazines like Glamour, In Style, Vogue, etc. to get a grip on what is in or out for the season (Buy your local libraries magazines that they are selling at a very low cost from back issues)
• Look in your closet and reinvent a new outfit(put a scarf, vest, or cardigan over a shirt to make a whole new outfit)

I began my MBA journey a few weeks ago, unsure how I was going to manage cramming coursework into my already overwhelmingly busy life. As it turns out, being smart is making school much more manageable than I'd feared. I started with a Marketing class, and as I delved into my text book, much of it seemed common sense, with some new jargon and just a few new concepts to digest. I worried that I wasn't putting enough graduate-level analysis into my work, but I continue to interact with my classmates online, I am seeing that my years (and years and years) of experience is serving me well. I'm at 100% so far! Yay!

“’What’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be, but put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. -Letters to Juliet”

It was unreal, but it was happening

and he tried so hard to resist him and his charm

because he knew it was too good to be true

he was filled with longings

longings he buried in a deep abyss

longings he should have forgotten long ago



01.09.12

"I used to hate you so much" / I'm glad we're friends again

"I'm sorry"

"I really loved you" / seeing you now brings this familiar feeling

"..."

"Did you love me? Those sweet things you said, the appreciation, the love, the concern, were those real?"

He held a bottle of hot sauce

Oo, kasing init nito. Actually, dapat makikipagbreak na ako sa boyfriend ko, para sa'yo

"Ah, I see" / They why didn't you leave him? I ignored the f*cking pain! I became a sucker who waited six long months for you! Why didn't you leave him? WHY?!

"Tingin mo ba kung naging tayo noon, tayo parin hanggang ngayon?

"... I don't know" / YES! Sobrang mahal kita, it would have been a fairy tale, a dream come true!

"Just forget about it, ang importante ngayon friends na tayo"

"oo tama... magkaibigan" / kalimutan ang lahat... wish it was that easy


...

I think for one moment, one still moment I stop dreaming I got consumed with reality and I stop dreaming. It was like the lights dimmed for a brief second and my breathing was frantic. I could not think, talk, or see the path before me because I let the reality of life take away my imagination. I realize how dreaming keeps me alive no matter if it is a world of fantasy, dreaming keeps me happy. I expect a greater life than what I am living now because I know through my struggles there is another world that exist, the one I supposed to live. I will travel around the world, internationally touching the four corners of the Earth. I will witness the most beautiful, breathtaking sites that God has created here on Earth. I will live an abundant life filled with joy, love, laughter and adventure. I will create adventure everywhere my feet are planted but I will not stop to embrace reality. Reality says, "I am not where I need to be, I need more money, it is hard being a single mother, sometimes I want to scream and cry because it seems like the road is getting harder". I will never listen to Reality because Dream says,"I love life, I am living abundantly, I do not lack anything, I enjoy the richness of my life and I am a gift to the world".  I think for one short second I stop dreaming and became overwhelmed with reality. My dreams are so much greater than reality. No matter how loud reality is I have drown out the noise with my dreams. I am human just like the next person, I bleed, I cry, I laugh, I sing, I love and I hurt. But most of all I dream-BIG,small, Long or WIDE.....I can never stop dreaming, do not never stop dreaming, never stop dreaming...."STYLICIA, NEVER STOP DREAMING"! In this quick moment I hear a small still voice, who is it? It is the Spirit of God and he tells me "Never stop dreaming"! So, in my moment of reality with being consumed with the "realness" of my situations I close my eyes and shut out the world and start back dreaming.

Caretake this moment. Immerse yourself in its particulars. Respond to this person, this challenge, this deed. Quit the evasions. Stop giving yourself needless trouble. It is time to really live; to fully inhabit the situation you happen to be in now. ~Epictetus

"Hindi ka para sa akin, ayoko na!"

Every minute I stare at you my heart breaks.
From start to finish thoughts of you bring torment,
wrecking my spirit,
turning my hope into specks.
You are far from comprehension,
far from reach.

As my feet remain planted on the ground
there you are up in the heavens
hovering over my head
mocking my wits
shaming my pride
I despise you

Have I not exerted effort?
were my attempts too feeble?
I gave you the best gold
you gave me filthy rags
I gave you time
you spare not one minute
I spit on you

I thought what we had was special
I thought you and I could get along splendidly
I was wrong
I was very wrong
Depart from me
Be gone elsewhere
I hate you

Hindi ka para sa akin, ayoko na!

Stupid polynomials! noong bata ako numbers lang ang minumultiply bakit ngayon pati letters?! While taking our quiz after the short discussion, I kinda peeked into my seatmate's paper and I'm like "hala, bakit ang haba ng sagot niya". As expected, mine was wrong. Damn it! just when I thought I completely understood everything. I hate you math.

2011 has been a painful year. Don't worry, I won't go through every sorrowful detail I mean, I don't want to bore you readers with all my sob stories. To keep it concise, 2011 for me, was a year of betrayal. I struggled with agony from January up to the very last days of December.

Still, I am thankful. I am thankful for the lessons the past year has taught me, thankful to the people who were always with me in those dire times.



2012 promises nothing but uncertainty. However, there is one thing I'm sure of... I am STRONGER NOW.

BTW I have 5 vows for 2012.

1. Update my blog regularly (at least once a week)
2. Read more books
3. Attend dance classes
4. Gain weight
5. STAY POSITIVE